Mercy Teasings — journal notes from my failing marriage

Reluctant to believe right now

I was leaning into never-after

And away from forever-more

Fading away from Til death do us part

Gathering scraps for my new start

Alone but not lonely

Is there another place

that’s not Limbo

A place beyond Limbo

Called Accommodation

But has the same wall paper

And has scents of larger hope

Is it real

Or a cruel unintended hope tease

You want to set me free

In my house but…

Not in my bed

To still the noises in your head

“Go do what you wish

while I try to tame these fears

of years to remove my maybes.”

Are you stepping up to your voices

Making choices

To cure your unsure

I hope so

But

Do I?

Well, I’m afraid to trust that

You can learn

To be with this wild-hearted man

Without impulse to tame him

To train him

You say

We could never be apart

You don’t know how much we are

How this mans mind has travelled

Already so far

Already so far

So far

Turn around?

Is mercy done?

I don’t think I can turn around Dear

But if you want

You can try to follow me

I’m headed toward Freedom